This Brown Eyed Girl

21 Days.

2012-02-22T00:48:00.000Z

So according to this picture it only takes 21 days of constantly watching your every move before you automatically become healthy. so i figured, why not? for the next 21 days i'll exercise everyday, eat fruit, drink water, cut out fizzy drinks and try to lessen the alcohol.
It's gonna be a blast..ܤ

My Happiness Project - Enjoy Childish Pleasures

2012-01-15T14:54:00.000Z

Okay so last weeks project was to keep everything more tidy. it worked for the first few days, but then i ended up getting so tired and busy with other things that things got a bit more messed up. but for a while, it made me feel really good to know that everything was tidy.. it was like a weight off my mind, so i guess at least i know that it works, maybe i'll try a little harder in the future to keep it tidy.

Enjoy Childish Pleasures
This week, the aim is to find happiness in simple, childish things. children are always so excited by the smallest thing, and somewhere along the way you end up taking it all for granted. so this week i'll go back to my childishness, and try to find happiness in the simplest things.

NHL All Star Announced

2012-01-13T15:24:00.000Z

okay so the final NHL All Star players have been announced.. i don't think i'll list them all out because there are quite a lot, but for anyone who's interested, here's a link to the NHL site.

http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=611247

My Happiness Project - Pigeons of Discontent

2012-01-08T12:49:00.000Z

So last weeks Happiness Project was focusing on First Things First, so getting enough sleep and stuff.. it actually went pretty well; sleeping enough gives me a lot more energy for getting things done during the day, and i've been busy all week.. it was pretty hard to keep it up though, and although i would go to sleep earlier than usual, it still wasn't particularly early so i focused more on just getting up on time, which actually seemed to make a big difference to my day.

Pigeons of Discontent
This week is all about getting rid of those small nagging things that just drag you down all the time.. mine would probably be how messy everything gets; i get home from Uni and everything is a mess and the kitchen is horrible and it just feels dirty. So for this week, i'm going to just aim to keep everything clean enough for it not to bother me.

NHL Winter Classic - Flyers, 2 Rangers, 3

2012-01-02T23:48:00.000Z

For anyone who doesn't know, the Winter Classic takes place every year on New Years Day, (this year it took place on January 2nd as New Years was a Sunday) where two teams play a regular-season hockey game outside in an area built by one of the teams involved. this year it was held in Philadelphia, home of the Philadelphia Flyers and just under 47,000 people showed up to watch!
For me, this year was particularly exciting as i just happen to be a pretty big New York Rangers fan. it is traditional to wear an old-school jersey to Winter Classics, so the Rangers were playing in a traditional sweater design with a modern variation of the logo used in 1926.
I'll keep the summary of this game brief, as i'm sure if you cared enough you would have watched it yourself; it started pretty slowly, both teams playing it reasonably safe with the score 0-0 going into the first intermission. but then they all started to get a bit more confident, and half way through the second period Schenn scored for the Flyers, followed shortly (approx 2 minutes later) by another goal for the Flyers by Giroux. so, half way through the game and the Rangers were two goals down - it was looking grim. however, within minutes Mike Rupp (71) retaliated, halving the Flyers lead and leaving the score at 2-1 going into the second intermission. the third period was where it really got interesting. just a few minutes into the game, Rupp scored again, however this tie didn't last long as shortly after by Brad Richards (19) scored a rebound, giving the Rangers a 3-2 lead.

Lundqvist v Briere
NHL Frozen Moments

It was all heating up now, both teams desperate to win, the puck bouncing from one end to the other again and again, but with no change in the score. for the final minute, Ryan Callahan (24) and Timonen were sent to the box, and the Flyers pulled Bobrovsky, leaving the final 60 seconds a five on four game. despite being a player short, the Rangers still look set to win. with only 40 seconds left to go, there was a mad struggle in front of the Rangers net, the puck almost crossed the line, and probably would have, had it not been for Ryan McDonagh (27) diving behind Henrik Lundqvist (30). however, this inevitably ended in a penalty shot being called, and it all came down to Briere against Lundqvist. it was a tense moment, but Lundqvist made his 33rd save of the game, leaving the Rangers to play out the last 40 seconds and win the Winter Classic 2012.
For me, Lundqvist was the star of this game. although for me, he is the star of most games; he is an extremely talented goal-keep, and my second favourite Rangers player (after Callahan), but today especially he really showed how much his team needs him. i admit, i was worried at first as the team didn't seem quite as together as they previously had, but it turns out that they just needed a little time to get into it.
Thank You Boys, it was a beautiful game...

(now bring on the Stanley Cup!)

My Happiness Project - First Things First

2012-01-01T21:55:00.000Z

So i'm thinking Sunday is going to be My Happiness Project day, so every Sunday i'll take a look at something from 'The Happiness Project' blog and apply it to my own life in an effort to be more happy with everything. so the title to today's Happiness Project is

First Things First.
This is basically the idea that you should get the simple things out of the way before focusing on the complicated. so when it comes to happiness, you should start with the basics, ie, getting enough sleep, drinking loads of water, eating healthy, getting exercise..

So for the whole of this week i'm going to make sure i'm asleep before 11-30pm, i'm going to drink at least two glasses of water and take at least a ten minute walk outside. this honestly shouldn't take too much effort, but i'm sure it's going to end up being a lot harder than i think it'll be. i hope it makes a difference though, it seems so simple it feels like it just might...

Today I Said Goodbye To My Best Friend

2012-01-01T18:34:00.000Z

My best friend, Emily, is moving to New York the day after i go back to uni, so i'm not going to see her until either the next time she comes back to England, or until i go out and visit her, so i'm thinking i might go out there for New Year next year. but still, i wont be able to see her for a year (not including skype, obviously) and i feel like i should feel sadder; i just seem excited about visiting her in America. maybe that's a good thing, i have no idea why i would complain about being happy. at least if she's in New York i'll be able to see a Rangers game. now i just have to work out how to find the money for it..ܤ

My Happiness Project - Today's Mission

2011-12-30T20:53:00.000Z

I'm becoming pretty interested in this Happiness Project thing, and i've been looking at the website quite a lot, and it seems like every week there'll be a post with a video about how to make yourself happier in general life. it seems pretty simple, so i'm thinking that I might start a happiness project of my own, and updating it every week. i haven't decided which day a week yet, but i think it might be fun..
over the next few days i'll look at a few previous ones, just to get myself used to it.

Strong Relationships
this first video is basically about how strong relationships with other people are the key to happiness. it's about how if you try to make new friends, hug people a bit more, just act a bit more friendly with other people and it'll make you feel happier. this means that any opportunities you get to help build stronger relationships with the people in your life, you should take.
i realised how true this is; you know there are certain people in your life than can make you happy when you're feeling a little bit down. it's important not to get lonely, it's so much harder to get depressed when you're surrounded by people who love and care about you.

In the spirit of building relationships, i feel i should mention last night - i went out with a friend from college that i haven't seen in a while. we never got on particularly well, but it's not like we hated each other. i wouldn't ordinarily hang out with him alone, but he asked me to go and do something, and after reading that article i figured i should try. the only thing i would do otherwise would be sitting at home waiting for the hockey to be on. and it's funny because just before i left i read an article called 'Are You The Person Whom Everyone Else Finds Difficult' and half way through talking with him, i realised that he could have answered yes to almost all the questions. it seems awful, but i swear the moment i realised it all seemed so tiring just having a conversation with him and i even got a little irritable. i guess you don't realise something until someone points it out for you. oh well..ܤ

The Pursuit of Happiness

2011-12-29T18:28:00.000Z

i've been thinking about trying to find some new hobbies recently; i seem to spend a lot of time in front of the computer so i figured i could try to channel that time into something a little more constructive than facebook. while i was googling something along the lines of 'how to make yourself happy' i came across 'The Happiness Project' which is a blog about some woman who did all these self help things in an effort to make herself more happy, and some of it kind of goes a bit over my head, but quite a lot of it is actually pretty interesting. i stumbled upon this quiz called How Well Do You Know Yourself? and i figured it might be kind of interesting. i've always assumed that i don't really know myself very well, but it actually made me think about whether the hobbies i was thinking of developing i wanted to do because i want to do it or because i think it will make me seem better from the outside.

The questions were;-
1. What part of the newspaper do you read first?

2. What are three books you’ve read in the past year

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time

4. What’s a goal that has been on your list for a few years

5. What do you actually do with your free time?

6. What types of activities energize you?

7. What famous people intrigue you?

Numbers five and six i found particularly interesting. what do i actually do with my free time and what type of activities energize me? in my free time i normally end up in front of the computer, and at the moment the only activity i would say 'energized' me would be watching hockey. i'm not sure if that totally counts because i'm technically just watching other people taking part in an activity, but it's certainly the only thing i'm interested in at the moment. this isn't really how i want my life to be, and i'm not sure if that was specifically the point of the quiz, but that's what i got from it. i need to develop some new hobbies, but somehow i need to make sure i'm doing them because i want to not because it makes me look like a more well-rounded person..ܤ

hope everyone had a wonderful christmas :)

2011-12-26T17:43:00.001Z

http://exil.es/

i've been at home for over a week now, and my room has already turned into that horribly familiar mess of clothes and miscellaneous objects. i was trying to keep track of where everything was so it would be easier to pack when it came to leaving, but everything has still ended up spread across the entire house, and this time i can't even blame it on the dog.

here's a picture of a pacman
christmas tree for y'all

i've been lacking inspiration recently, not just for writing this blog, but for doing any sort of work at all, for finding presents for my family, for socialising with my friends, for anything really. i'm sure part of it's to do with my current lifestyle; a lot of time on the computer, not a lot of sleep, too much fast-food, no exercise.. ect. so you can imagine that my body doesn't really want to put in the effort, and my mind is too tired to try. but i suppose that's things that i can change, if i put in enough effort. but anyway, as usual i looked to google, and ended up finding this blog - http://exilelifestyle.com/ - which is kind of a bit douchy, but actually pretty inspiring. it's about this guy, Colin Wright who basically travels around and got rid of all his stuff. it's kind of interesting, but i was more interested in an old post called 10 Ways To Become Inspired. some of it seems kind of stupid, but actually once you do it, it does open up your mind a little bit. i don't know about becoming inspired about what i'm supposed to be trying to be inspired about, but it sure is an amazing way to relax, and i can imagine myself skipping straight to this page the next time i'm procrastinating..ܤ

i could watch you for a lifetime / you're my favourite movie

2011-12-20T22:18:00.000Z

i'm back in my home town, got back yesterday and so far i've spent most of the time asleep. i think i was supposed to see some of my friends today, but they were supposed to ring me and they didn't so i ended up spending the day in my pyjamas. i realised this evening though that that always ends up being my excuse; that someone else hasn't done something and therefore it's not my responsibility. it can't be like that any more..ܤ

'Emotional Roller-coaster'

2011-12-06T17:14:00.001Z

I am literally so excited about Hitch right now. i keep getting kind of worried about it; people keep telling me that i wont be able to do it, that it's impossible to hitch-hike the whole way there, or that i'll be killed or that the guy i'm going with is a massive twat and it's kind of ruining it for me a bit. but then i get out the leaflet thing and read it all again, and become super over-excited. and the thing is that obviously, if no-one ever got there, or if i was likely to be killed, they wouldn't keep doing the event. and if the guy i'm planning on doing it with is actually a massive twat, then i guess either i will have figured it out after four months of knowing him, or he's not actually that much of a twat. either way, i figure i should just give him the benefit of the doubt because ultimately all you really have is your own reality, and you should trust that over the assumed reality of others.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about myself recently, which sounds kind of weird, but i think it's a pretty important thing to do. and i've been thinking about how unmotivated i've been recently with my university work, and i thought i was just lazy. but then i was thinking about the fact that i can get up and go to work, even when i feel super ill, and how although completely terrified, i can work hard to raise money to go on a trip, and that if i was just lazy, then surely i wouldn't be able to get up for that either? so maybe right now, i'm not doing what i want to be doing, and i'm just too scared to admit that without uni i don't really have much of a life plan..ܤ

it's been a while

2011-11-30T11:20:00.001Z

so brief summary of everything that's happened since my last post;-

failed first year of uni [one module by 3%... damn]
started first year of uni all over again
stopped playing xbox
still haven't done any travelling [unless you count Plymouth to see my best friend]
fell in love with Eric Church - apparently i like country music now?
fell even more in love with hockey - NYR
got a job

and lots of drinking, slightly less hangovers and ever less lectures. but my flatmates this year are amazing, and we live in an actual house instead of a crappy flat.. and i love my house, even if we did end up not cleaning for a month and adopting some maggots. which was horrible. i lived off chinese and pizza that month..

I'm still in love with Italy, and all things Italian, although i've kind of stopped learning the language and basically forgotten everything i learnt. i'm not sure if that means that i've given up on living there when i'm older or not, but i've kind of decided that i'll just decide when i get to that point in my life.
And in the spirit of deciding things when i get there, i've started trying to do billions of different things - branching horizons ect, a) to make myself seem more employable when i get to that stage, and b) because i realised that i really don't have many skills, and i'd love to have some.. i mean, that's how i got into hockey - i wanted to like sport, but they all seemed so dull, until i watched my first hockey match (a Rangers game) and it clicked. so i figure it'll just click with everything else..

ERM anyway, now i'll just go and update everything - like i said i would do about three months ago, and then we'll take it from there....ܤ

Oh Mio Dio!

2011-08-28T12:50:00.000+01:00

I just realised that it's been almost a month since i wrote something in my blog; it's not really almost daily any more, so here's a picture of Jared Leto with no shirt off to make up for it. i think the summer just feels like some endless stretch of time that's not really had any decisive marking points since getting back from Italy, so i've become terribly lazy when it comes to any sort of routine. but anyway, back to uni in a month (hopefully) so i've got until then to sort myself into a routine of sorts, and just generally organise everything. it sounds do-able but knowing me i'll get side tracked and end up freaking out a few days before i leave.

I've been thinking recently about what is important in my life, and i don't mean like family and stuff - i know that's important, but more about for me personally - what do i want out of life? and i've come to realise that actually, although i want a degree, academics and a career is less important to me than i thought it was, and that all the stuff on my list is actually based a lot around travelling and seeing things and doing things, and not really a lot about sitting in a room and studying. but of course, i do realise that i need to have a certain amount of money to be able to do the things i want to do, and that i'd need a reasonably good job to earn enough money, so university is actually pretty important when it comes to my life plan. it's just not the be all and end all of my life, like it is with my sister. so to conclude, i've decided to make some more positive steps towards making the things on my list actually happen, and not just sit and look at it and think about how lovely it would be to do those things.

But first i'm going to update my blog a bit, soo i've got a huge list of all the films i've watched, but not reviewed, which is going to be a massive job as i probably wont even remember half of them, but i guess i'll just watch them again. i've also got a few books i need to review, and to be honest, i haven't read for a while, so i really need to get back to reading. and i have already written up the Italy trip, so at least the travel blog is all organised. and i think that's about it. i suppose i should add some more to my xbox blog but i've kind of stopped playing recently; you don't get a lot done when you're stuck in another world, but i do still hold an interest to the upcoming games, and although it might take a while for me to play them, i'll still have a look out for the new ones. i have too many blogs.

I've started watching a lot of documentaries lately, and although it sounds horribly nerdy, i've been consoling myself with the idea that it's just like reading books but faster and with more pictures. either way, i feel like i'm educating myself, but my family is sick of me starting sentences with 'did you know...' and then ending in some strange fact that none of them really had any interest in to begin with. but it makes me happy. there's also this band; Matchbox 20, which i am absolutely in love with at the moment. they are genuinely different to a lot of other music i've heard recently.

Okay, so that's it for today - i'll get to updating stuff, and hopefully within the next week everything will be looking excellent and back to how it should be. well, we'll see..ܤ

Travel Blog and Stuffs

2011-08-01T11:53:00.000+01:00

so this is basically just a super quick update, letting anyone who's interested know that i've finished writing up everything about Italy - it's taken me ages, but at least now it's done. so here's the link;-

http://himynameisemily-ilovetotravel.blogspot.com/search/label/Italy%202011

i've made it public as well, so now anyone can read it. i think i kept it private before, although i'm kind of glad now because i've been able to sort it out completely before letting the general public criticise. so there you go, take your best shot...ܤ

Satanismo, Sesso e Letteratura

2011-07-31T11:36:00.000+01:00

So i went to Italy, which is why i haven't written anything for probably about two weeks now - that was part laziness and part because i was busy concentrating my limited energy to this trip. mostly laziness. but anyway, so i'm back now and god damn it, i wish i wasn't. not that everything is terrible here, just that it was so fantastic there. i felt like a different person, i met some brilliant people, and i fell completely in love with Rome. it was so beautiful, especially at night and i'd really love to live there when i'm older too. although i suppose that sounds sort of naive, i think it would be a pretty realistic goal, especially with a law degree; it seems more do-able. anyway, i'll write a load of stuff up on my travel blog, so if you're interested in all the mischief we got up to across Italy you can have a look.

While i was in Italy, one of the guys we met - Gabriele was wearing a 'Vampires Do Exist' shirt, from True Blood and it made me want to watch it again. i used to watch it quite often before i went to uni, and then i just got slightly side-tracked, so now i'm going to watch it from the beginning again, and catch up. i made my mother watch Game of Thrones before i left, and i think she actually quite enjoyed it..ܤ

I Hate To Say It, But - Harry Potter.

2011-07-13T22:32:00.001+01:00

so i'm going to watch the final Harry Potter film tomorrow, and i'd love to say that i was excited but to be honest the only thing i can remember from the last film is that weird dance scene Harry and Hermione had in their tent. i used to love Harry Potter, when they were just books. there's nothing wrong with the films, but i think that's when it all really blew up, and i'm not being all 'hipster' and saying that i hate everything mainstream because it's just so damn uncool to like things that other people like too it's just that i read the first book when i was ten years old, and i was so completely in love with it, i read it four times. i hate that something i used to love so much has become some stupid franchise, like Twilight or High School Musical. i liked it when it was something special, and now it just seems to be something that all British youtubers have to be in love with. which is super annoying, by the way youtubers. although, i am loving the epic memes that have come out of it.

My dad explained everything that's been happening in Greece recently. i mean, i did understand what was going on, he just explained how it happened in terms that someone who switches off when they hear the word 'politics' would understand. and coming from a family where i learnt how to manage my money from the age of six, it seems like a pretty easily avoidable situation that Greece has got themselves into. i mean, that is coming from someone who was explained the situation with little blue-tac men, but still, right? personally, i'm pretty interested in Finland, who have been voted one of the best places to live with the highest quality of living and 'the most livable city' and such. i can't help that think a lot of other European citizens have got it right. in places like Holland people just cycle everywhere; can you imagine that happening in London?! but they must be so much healthier because of it. AND they get to smoke hells loadsa weed without having to go to the dodgy edge of town to meet a shifty guy with a bike. AND the only two people i know from Holland are both stunningly attractive. this is why i don't think about stuff like this very often - makes me wonder why i'm still here in shitty old England..ܤ

Mexicans Are Awesome

2011-07-10T00:05:00.001+01:00

so tonight was Mexican night so me and my family sat around the kitchen table in sombreros and fake moustaches eating doritos covered in nacho cheese and salsa, and super spicy fajitas with the mexican hat dance song on repeat for three hours. of course i couldn't stop laughing at how casually we all settled into the idea, and how completely hilarious it would seem to some strangers who wandered through our front door to see us acting as if it was so completely ordinary to be such stereotypical Mexicans. or maybe it was just the tequila slammers. because you can't be Mexican without tequila.
I've been doing this thing recently; kind of like counselling but not really, that can apparently make me a billion times more confident and more in the moment and stop me from being so ridiculously jealous and self-concious and stupid. but at the moment, it's kind of just making me feel sad. i suppose it's hard to talk about things that hurt, but the thing is i'm not even talking about it. we haven't even talked about anything that seems to have hurt but right now i feel kind of melancholy, not about the course thing, just about stuff. which is dumb. i was fine before. i guess this is all just part of it.
There's a fly that keeps diving into my face just as i'm about to go to sleep. it's done it like a billion times for the last three days. here's a pretty picture of what i'd like to do to it..ܤ

I'm Just Like Batman.

2011-07-08T23:48:00.003+01:00

Every night before i go to sleep i get scared that someone's going to break into our house. but for some reason, i only think that when i'm at home - when i'm at uni i don't even think about it. i always think i hear people creeping around outside, and i guess it doesn't help that i sleep on the ground floor, because it's just easy creeping. CSI also got me scared with their episode about some guy in lycra who drilled holes in your ceiling so he could peep on you from the attic and then kill you when he felt the time was right. creepy? helltotheyea, and you didn't even see his weird ass crawl movements.
Yesterday i got a mega headache, and i've kind of been feeling terrible all of today, right up to about twenty minutes ago, which sucks because now i wont sleep and i'll just end up being ill again. it's weird because when i was little i used to love the summer holidays; it would feel like they'd just go on for years, and now everything feels a lot more in perspective. except for when i get back to uni, time goes by so fast i don't even noticing it's happening until i'm packing all my stuff up and coming home. that doesn't mean i like home any less, i suppose it's just more distracting when i'm supposed to be working.
The picture of batman really doesn't mean anything. i just like Batman. although i am pretty excited about The Dark Knight Rises because it's going to be awesome. even if Heath Ledger wont be in it..ܤ

COD Fanboys Suck, Welsh Isn't A Real Language & I Love Cougars.

2011-07-06T23:18:00.001+01:00

i've been playing a lot of Assassin's Creed recently. partly because it's amazing, partly because i want to play them all through from the beginning before Revelations comes out, but mostly because it was on sale as part of the steam summer sales, so i only had to pay like £14 for the three. which makes me happy, especially since my xbox has died, although according to my sister playing games makes me angry. i do know that, but i'm not going to stop just because i tend to shout at the screen a little bit when things don't go my way.. thank god you can't play Assassin's Creed co-op or i'd end up like one of those annoying cod fan-boys that i hate so much. it's also probably slightly worrying about how attracted to him i am, being that not only is he not real, he's a memory so he's not even particularly real in the game... i guess, if you would think about it that hard.
I had a driving lesson today - i know i'm much too old to be learning to drive, but stuff happened before i left for uni that stopped me and then i had uni and i didn't really want to take a welsh driving test, because the road signs are half in a language that i don't consider real. but so at this rate, i expect my little sister will pass before me.

I've also been reading a lot - i went to the library today to get out some books about Italy, because i think i'll find old buildings and stuff so much more interesting if i know the history behind it. otherwise, it's just a load of bricks to be honest. i've just started to get scared about going, i'm not really sure why; i guess there's a lot of things that could go wrong, but i kind of have to stop thinking like that and start focusing on what's going on right now. which i think will be watching Cougar Town because i just can't get enough of that show. i know, i have a terrible taste in everything..ܤ

Do One Thing Everyday That Scares You.

2011-07-03T20:49:00.000+01:00

I heard this song today, and although a lot of the things in it i don't think i'll remember, that one line stood out for me. that, and 'don't read beauty magazines. they will only make you feel ugly' which is actually so completely true. the whole song did make me consider my favourite part of the day; the evening, when i can stand by my bedroom window and watch my daddy chase our whippet puppy around the garden. not one of these days has he managed to catch her.

Last night i got very excited about booking the hostels for Italy - it feels like now it's actually definitely happening, which to be honest is a little bit scary. i've been trying to learn Italian, but i can't say it's working. i suppose i'll definitely understand them if they say 'where is the bank?' but i can't promise i'll know where the bank is, and i sure as hell wont be able to tell them even if i did. i don't really have a lot to write about, because to be honest i've been sleeping a lot. i know i seem to write that often, i guess i should try to get a sleeping schedule sorted or something, but it just means i've been lacking in interesting experiences lately. i'm still yet to catch up on writing up about any of the films i've watched recently, in fact i just keep watching more instead..ܤ

Today Has Been A Day Of Developing Interests.

2011-06-30T23:11:00.001+01:00

I found my baby journal this afternoon, and it turns out that even when i was little i wanted to see everything that was going on. and my first word was dog, which is nice.

I've recently re-awoken my interest in Hinduism only to discover that i sold the text book i used for GCSE, so now i'll have to buy a new one. i'm specifically interested in the gods and goddesses; i think it's fascinating to have so many gods that just have one focus. to be honest, if i believed in gods i'd think this method would probably work a lot better - kind of like parliament and the delegation of power. although of course, it all gets a little confusing when you link all the demi-gods and the fact that half the gods are in fact just an avatar of other gods. Kali has always been my favourite. from what i can remember, she's the goddess of destruction and recreation, and the picture shows her standing on Shiva, her husband, because she started killing loads of people - hence the head in her hand - and so he jumped in front of her to stop her, and she was so shocked that she stuck her tongue out and stopped her rampage. which is kind of cute; in a way, i wish i was married to Shiva.

I've been trying to learn Italian, in preparation for my trip in three weeks. i don't like to call it a holiday, because that implies a break, and i'm hoping that we'll be doing quite a lot of sight seeing - although i suppose that is a break from ordinary life. but what i mean is that i don't want to just sit around on a beach looking pretty. i'm most excited for Pompeii because volcanos fascinate me, although to be honest i think it'll be pretty busy everywhere we go, so we wont be able to get too much done. but as long as we make a visit to The Trevi Fountain i'll be happy.
I also finished The Boy With The Cuckoo-Clock Heart this evening, so i'll write something about that tomorrow. i've not been very good with my writing recently, i suppose i've been focused more on other things. i was hoping to start One Flew Over A Cuckoo's Nest tonight, but i think i left it in the other room and i'm way too lazy to go and get it, so i suppose i'll just have to watch Prison Break and go to sleep..ܤ

I've Been Thinking About A Beautiful Girl

2011-06-28T20:26:00.001+01:00

have you ever had a girl crush that's the same as when you like a guy, just with a girl? because i know a lot of people will be like.. 'girl crush' when actually what they really mean is that they admire someone, or they look up to them; they don't actually want to be with them and fall in love and whatever else you think when you get together with a guy you like. because i'd never felt that before - i'd always thought it was dumb, until i met this one girl. and it's odd, because it is the exact same as when i like guy; butterflies, confusion, sadness that we'll never be together - all that kind of girl crap, only, she's a girl too. and i don't like girls. but this one i reckon i could be with for real. also, i really dislike the word 'crush'.
I think it's probably about time i watch Star Wars. many people may be shocked that i've never actually seen it - although somehow i still understand most of the jokes and puns surrounding it, and i've played the lego demo on my xbox, so i reckon i've pretty much got what it's about.
Today i went into town and joined an agency - this way i can get work without really having to do anything, which is perfect because i don't actually really want work so i know i'd never get it if i had to search for some.

I also watched Weeds which was awesome, except i already knew what was going to happen because it was pasted all over their facebook page by annoying spoiler fans. but it was still pretty good, and kind of made me miss watching things all in one go, like i did with the other seasons, which then drove me to watch some of The Sopranos which is quite excellent, and reminds me of GTA and Saints Row which i can't wait for.
I'm supposed to be going to Birmingham with my sister to look at the university, but she's pretty terrible at sorting stuff like this out, so i don't know if we'll actually go or not. she'll end up trying to make me book it all and i don't really want to because i already did this two years ago looking for my universities..ܤ

Another Grand Idea.

2011-06-27T21:33:00.001+01:00

so today i figured that i'd try that 'wash your hair with olive oil' thing and maybe i just didn't wash it out properly or maybe it's just a load of rubbish, but it totally doesn't work and it made my hair feel gross. but for some reason i've spent the whole of today feeling super tired, and i just don't have the energy to wash it again today. and i'm supposed to be going to the beach with my friends tomorrow, but i realised that i have a job interview thing at 2pm, so i probably can't go to the beach. which sucks because i haven't seen my friends in a week - i haven't even got a job yet, and it's already stopping me from doing things! but i haven't told my friend that i can't go yet, because i realised around the same time they were talking about money for presents and i didn't want it to look suspicious, like i was making excuses.
Anyway, that was the boring personal stuff. i've had a massive headache the last few days, which is why i haven't really written much. or maybe i'm getting bored of writting - i'm not sure. i've been watching lots of xbox trailers - i'm a nerd. - and i'm actually pretty excited for Assassin's Creed Revelations - i never played Brotherhood but i thought it looked awesome, i'll probably get it at some point after the new one. i'll probably play them all backwards. i've decided i'll wait to get my xbox until my birthday, because if i keep spending money on things i don't actually need, i'm going to run out before the end of the summer. Italy is becoming more and more expensive, and i think it'll be worth it, it's just sad to see my pile of money getting smaller.

Monkey D Luffy

I've also been watching more Prison Break, which i'd taken a break from when i got home, mainly because it takes a few minutes for things to load here, and i'm seriously impatient. i've also realised that i haven't watched One Piece in a really long time, which is weird when i think of Luffy's adorable character. i guess sometimes the arch's are a little bit long, and i get bored. blame the short attention span my mother claims i never used to have. Weeds is also starting tonight - of course i have to wait for America's tonight, which is probably about three in the morning - i haven't been bothered to work it out yet because it's easier to just watch it tomorrow.
It's sort of shocking how much of this blog is based around television & film & xbox games; i suppose it seems that i don't really do much with my life. and i suppose i don't really, but when i go out with my friends i don't really like to talk about it on here because you never know who's going to read it. a) my friends might find it and read it - and i like to have opinions on things, but i don't really want to tell the internet my hidden opinions of my friends. b) i don't really want to tell strangers something too personal. i suppose that's a little bit boring for any stranger reading this, but if you don't want boring i suggest you get to know me a little more personally; i have a weird thing about people 'earning' my secrets. i'm pretty sure there's only a few people who know enough about me - my exboyfriend wasn't one of them. it's only since i met one of my flatmates that i realised over the year, i've told him more than i ever told my ex, which is funny because i didn't even have to sleep with him to feel close to him, although it probably would have all turned out a lot better if i'd slept with him instead of my ex. funny how things work out...

- end of weird rambling personal blog..ܤ -

when in doubt, nap.

2011-06-26T23:44:00.002+01:00

....so i'll get back to this one ^_^

I'm Going To Be Boring

2011-06-23T22:34:00.001+01:00

and talk about The Apprentice. i watched it last night and i was a) gutted that Leon left - he was really the only reason i enjoyed it so much & b) suddenly struck my Melody's eyebrows. i'm not really sure why, i suppose it was also her make up and dress sense and stuff - i mean she does dress quite well, although i've never been a fan of animal print at the best of times. but i was sitting there, thinking about how pretty she looked, and then after looking at this picture for a while i noticed how weird her eyes looked and her mouth looked kind of funny, and i sort of realised that really any one can look pretty at a glance, and i guess that's how you end up sticking with someone - they still look attractive when you scrutinise them for hours. at least, i'm just guessing - i've never felt that way about anyone before, but i am starting to feel a little less shallow.
i'm still listening to Alter Bridge and i've been reading The Official Xbox Magazine today, which makes me feel amazingly nerdy, but i enjoy it probably as much as my sister enjoys Vogue, so it's kind of fair enough. it just seems dumb, as at the moment i don't actually have an xbox. it broke, and i'm yet to get a new one - i don't think i can actually afford it at the moment, which sucks. although i'd waste a lot of time on it, so it's probably for the best. although i am excited about Gears Of War Three's Horde Mode 2.0 because it sounds awesome. because that didn't sound at all nerdy and un-feminine. i really miss one of my flatmates actually, predominantly because i could talk to him about games and he wouldn't think it was stupid because i was a girl, or because it was nerdy, or whatever. in fact, i think he even thought it was sexy that i could recognise music from a game trailer - which to be honest is kind of what i'd love in a guy. i suppose i'm slightly lacking in hobbies at the moment, but apart from sport and instruments, i'm not really sure what to pursue as a hobby. i'm not one for stamp collecting, and according to my mum, an unhealthy interest in gaming and movies doesn't count as a hobby..ܤ

It Was Nine-Thirty PM

2011-06-22T21:42:00.000+01:00

and i was sitting in bed listening to Nickelback & reading The Boy With The Cuckoo-Clock Heart when i suddenly realised how it's been such a long time since i didn't watch television or play xbox at this sort of time. when i was little i'd spend all day reading some book, and normally well into the night. now i'd rather catch up on Game Of Thrones - which i finished tonight - than read a book. i'm sure i used to write a lot more before as well. i can't work out if my interests have shifted because of me; growing older and becoming more lazy, or because of society; there being more films and games and tv channels all the time. i expect it's probably a mash of the two, and i suppose it just means i'll have to make more of an effort to read.

woah that's creepy.

That was an odd thing to think about, i guess it must have been on my mind lately. other weird things on my mind lately - i now drink everything with straws, especially tea. i'm not sure why, it just feels nice. yesterday i went through all my songs on my old computer and added the play counts to the itunes on my laptop. my sister didn't really understand why i thought this was an important thing to do, but to me it felt unfair that songs that used to have a play count of seventy something now only has a play count of three. so i had to make it fair. and final crazy point of the day - i keep having dreams that i'm a guy. but not for the purpose of doing standard guy things, but so i can be bum raped by batman? or i think one time it was a roman. because this is the forth night in a row that i've had a dream like that. i'm not really sure what to think about it to be honest, maybe i should ask my therapist. if i had one. maybe i should get one...ܤ

Today, I Am A Nerd

2011-06-20T20:08:00.002+01:00

'can you feel him? somewhere in the fallout, he is someone just like you, who's lost to find the truth.'

yeah, so i'm in love with Alter Bridge today. and probably for the next week. ever since my friend told me they were touring in the Autumn i got all excited, and started to love them again. i love it when this happens; you just completely forget all about a band then download their latest album and remember how awesome they are. i'm so excited for this gig, we'd better not end up cancelling. but i'm also a little scared, in case my breathing thing is still an issue and i can't enjoy as much as i should. i don't want to be scared, i want to be having fun. it's a bit weird to suddenly get into heavier music again; i spent a while trying to stop seeming quite so 'emo' but the thing is i've started to care less about trying to fit into a certain stereotype, and become just a little bit more broad. it's a working progress..

I went to watch Bad Teacher with my girly friends last night, and it was actually surprisingly good. i wasn't sure what it'd be like, but it was pretty funny. so i'll do a review on that tonight - i'm going to try to catch up with that because recently i've just been putting up pictures, and then failing to actually write anything. so i'll see if i can get it done tomorrow.

I'm also pretty excited about Bioshock Infinite, partly because i'm a nerd but mostly because i'd never played Bioshock before, but i played a demo the other day and realised that it's actually kind of awesome. so now i'm just going to wait until the release for this one. Dead Island is another one i'm looking forward to, but i've become less excited. to be honest, the trailer made it look amazing, but the game play makes it seem kind of average - just like all the other zombie games, i thought there might be a bit more flesh to the story line as opposed to just killing them because they're there. but i suppose we'll see..ܤ

Things Change.

2011-06-19T17:06:00.001+01:00

i've started to realise that if i don't make what i want known, then i'll never get it. i can't just sit around and quietly wait for someone to realise what i want from them. i think i heard it in How I Met Your Mother;- 'there's nothing desperate about knowing what you want' and it made sense to me. i've always fought the idea of romance and happy ever after because putting yourself out there is so terrifying, that it's just easier to pretend that that's not what you want. So now i've come home, i'm going to start fighting for what i want. i'll never make a terribly good lawyer if i don't learn how to stand up for myself. so i'm going to go out and do more things, even though i'm afraid of feeling awful.

I watched a film with my sister last night - The Midnight Meat Train which i thought would be rubbish, but then it turned out quite good, but then the ending ruined it. i hate it when that happens. but so i'll do a review for it, probably not for a while - i've been quite busy recently, so i've been writing very little, which is silly because the summer holidays is supposed to be when we all get a break.
I've also started liking hip-hoppy type music which is really weird because i always used to be more into the heavier stuff, but i suppose it's just a sign that i've become more open to other things, be it music or people or experiences or whatever, but i'm going to embrace it as a good thing..ܤ

I'm At Home Now

2011-06-16T23:43:00.002+01:00

and it's kind of weird - for the last year i've had another place to go if home got too much, and i don't like not having another place to go. obviously, i have my friends and stuff, but it's not like i can just run round to their house for a few weeks until i miss home again. i miss my flatmates and i miss my room. it makes me sad to know i'll probably never live with them again.

I've started to really like Kanye West which is kind of odd because it's not really my kind of music; i think it may have something to do with the Saints Row advert. i can't wait for that game, it looks so good and it's exactly my kind of thing. today is a super short one because i'm so tired from moving all my stuff home again, and from only getting four hours sleep..ܤ

I've Started Packing

2011-06-14T22:28:00.000+01:00

but it's really hard - i'm not sure if i'm going to be able to fit everything in the boxes i brought them in. i've somehow managed to collect double the amount of things that i came with..

So On Saturday, I Did Some Really Stupid Things

2011-06-14T11:33:00.000+01:00

completely wasted.

i know that's pretty standard for a night out, especially after drinking a whole bottle of malibu, but right now i just feel like such an idiot. i don't even know why it's hurting, it was fun at the time and i know that it's all just uni and this happens all the time, and actually some people do things a lot more stupid than what i did. but i just feel kinda stupid. anyway, i think that's probably enough about that. the thing is, normally i talk to my sisters about stuff like this, but i think they'll probably just judge me this time. it was a pretty good night though, i suppose. every time i go out i have a pretty good time, it's just when i wake up the next day and hate myself for a while. i'll probably get over it, to be honest i've got over every other dumb thing i've done, so i can get over the other nights mishaps too.
I'm supposed to be coming home on Thursday, i was going to go home earlier but i just don't really want to go home right now anyway. everything feels kind of messy, and i'm not sure how to sort it out. i'm sure it's just the hangover talking right now, and eventually everything will seem a lot better. while i'm at uni, i end up wanting to go home, but then as soon as i'm at home, i miss my flatmates. i'm kind of sad because next year i'll have different flat mates, and i'm really going to miss the ones i have now. despite every time i've got mad because they woke me up when i had an exam the next day, or whatever, i'm still really going to miss them. i guess i'm the kind of person who hangs on to the past a little too much.

i'll miss you guys :')

So yeah, apart from going out and then spending the last few days trying to sleep it off, i probably haven't done an awful lot, but i finished writing up the E3 stuff, and i've watched a lot of films, most of them i've seen before, but either way there'll probably be quite a lot of new ones up on the film blog thing. so i'll spend tonight writing them all up, while everyone else goes out and gets drunk - something i just don't feel up to doing right now..ܤ

Wasabi

2011-06-13T19:07:00.000+01:00

so i had the Wasabi Nabe Yaki Udon which was basically noodle soup with chicken, vegetables and prawns, with some heated Sake, with Green Tea Ice Cream and Deep Fried Mangos In Syrup for dessert.

The Wasabi Nabe Yaki Udon was so delicious - it was kind of hard to eat with chopsticks, but i'm not exactly a pro at using them, so it's perfectly acceptable, and i think they'll give you a fork if you ask for one. it also comes with that ladle type thing, which is good for when you get to the end, and you want to drink the rest of the soupy bit. although, i didn't really get to that bit, because it's so filling, i just couldn't finish it. i got about two thirds of the way through i should think, but i just couldn't finish it. nevertheless, it tasted so good, i'm really going to miss this place when i go home.

The Sake came in a little bottle with shot size glasses, and it tasted kind of like warm vodka to be honest. although, i liked it more than vodka because it didn't seem quite as strong, but i didn't drink a lot, although i think it probably wouldn't be too hard to get drunk on. although, it didn't taste as nice when it got cold.

I wasn't going to have any dessert, because i was so full from eating the Udon before, but we ordered two between four of us; the ice cream and the mangos.

The mangos tasted pretty good, it was a bit weird to eat them warm, because i'm used to fruit being cold, and not deep fried, but it actually worked quite well, and went nicely with the ice cream.

The Green Tea Ice Cream tasted pretty much just like normal tea ice cream. i don't really like green tea, so i was a bit dubious about it, but it tasted pretty good.

The whole restaurant is decorated in a very Japanesey style, which is awesome because walking in there makes you feel a little bit like you're actually in Japan, at least how i imagine it would feel - i haven't actually been to Japan. i think they also do take aways, which i will definitely be taking advantage of next year when i'm living just down the road, and i think you got a discount on take aways, but i can't be sure. either way, this is a place i will definitely be going back to. it just goes to show that even if raw fish isn't your thing, there are still good Japanese meals to try.

Season One Prison Break Review Thing..

2011-06-11T18:41:00.000+01:00

So this first season of Prison Break has been so good - i finished the whole of Season One [22 episodes] in just under three days. i was on edge of my seat[/bed] the whole time - literally hiding behind my hood. almost every single episode i was almost jumping up and down, just scared that they'd get caught. it was so well thought out, every time i thought that they were completely screwed, Michael managed to find a way out of it. and even though at the beginning i thought Wentworth Miller was actually kind of ugly, but after a few episodes he just became more and more attractive. i think it was probably his brain - his character is literally a complete genius, it must have taken the writers ages to plan it all out properly so it all added up. there are so many twists in the plot, and it's all reasonably easy to follow. it's so ridiculous how you end up routing for these criminals, but you begin to discover how actually they're not all bad people. apart from T-Bag (Robert Knepper), he really is a terrible person.

One of my favourite characters is actually Sucre (Amaury Nolasco), i think because of how he is with Maricruz (Camille Guaty), because he just loves her so much, he breaks out of prison for her and things. and i love his accent. LJ (Marshall Allman), Lincoln's (Dominic Purcell) son is also another of my favourite characters. he's not really in it too much, and at the beginning he completely hates his father, because he thinks that he killed the vice-presidents brother, and i don't think he was a particularly good father to begin with, but then as Lincoln gets closer and closer to death row, he becomes much closer to him, which is really sweet.

Veronica (Robin Tunney) is also an epic character - i always wanted her and Lincoln to get together, it's a shame she was killed before she had a chance to get together with him. another couple i was dying to get together properly was Michael and Dr Tancredi (Sarah Wayne Callies) because right from the moment he went to rescue her and risk everything i knew that they would be a little issue. but it was really sweet, and it's a shame that they had to meet in those circumstances, because Michael never actually really did anything wrong; he was only in there to get his brother out - it's not like he committed a horrible crime with the intention of hurting people.

but i think maybe in a future season they might end up getting together somehow. of course, at the moment season one ended with them all running off into the distance away from a lot of police men, so i can't really see a relationship working at this exact moment, but i hope they can figure something out.

Since Finishing My Exams

2011-06-10T13:26:00.000+01:00

it seems that i've become incredibly bored doing what i used to do instead of revising, which is annoying because i was getting lots of useful things done before my exams, and today i slept until five in the afternoon and spent the evening watching television and writing about E3. i've started watching Game Of Thrones which is so much better than i imagined it would be. i feel kind of bad for not writing in here everyday, like i'd planned to do, but it's not like any people actually read all this, so i suppose it doesn't really matter. i was really just doing it for fun anyway; i enjoy writing and the internet has to let you give your opinion, whether people read it or not. so it's just nice to get my voice out there.
i've also been watching quite a few movies, i haven't got round to reviewing them properly yet, but i will soon enough. it's quite nice to watch films and have to decide my opinion on them afterwards. i do enjoy watching them, but sometimes people think completely different things and so it'd be nice to know what other people thought of things i guess.
I kind of want to go home now, to be honest. uni is fun and stuff, but home is nice and easy and i spend all day in pyjamas. and i miss my family, most of all. i haven't seen them in almost a month, which doesn't really sound like that long, but we're all really close. a lot of people don't really understand it because they don't really get on with their family, but to me it feels like the most important thing. like, even if i lost my job and all my friends and all my stuff, my family would still be there for me to fall back on. if i lost my family, all the rest of my things would be useless.

Sushi at Wasabi the last time i went

I'm meeting up with my friends tomorrow, one just to talk about website design and stuff, maybe i'll find out if he wants to go to Italy or not. we said we'd all decide by the weekend, and he's the only one that hasn't decided yet. it's a shame if he can't go, because i think i'd feel a bit better if he came too. i just don't really know the others as well as i know him. there's nothing romantic about it - he has a girlfriend, and i'm just not interested anyway, so it would make me feel better him being there, because he knows me. anyway, and then i'm going to Wasabi to eat sushi with my lady friends, which should be fun. i'll do a food review on it, even though i've been there before..ܤ

Today I Had My Last Exam

2011-06-07T23:21:00.004+01:00

it didn't go too well, so i suppose i'll definitely be back in the summer for retakes. i don't feel too bothered at the moment, but i just don't want to tell my family about it. they always expect me to do so well. i guess all i can do now is sit down and watch E3 for eight hours..ܤ

Tonight I Think I'll Stay Up A While

2011-06-06T19:40:00.001+01:00

June 05, 2011
23:13 - just did half my washing up. probably about half way through my first revision topic, but i'm just writing up notes at the moment, it's not like i'm even learning any of it by heart. but it all seems to make sense at the moment which is good, because Olivia said it would be hard. maybe she just finds it hard. i'm feeling a bit sleepy, i don't know why; i'm normally fine around this time of night, but i guess maybe working instead of watching telly will run my brain down faster..

June 06, 2011

00:15 - i couldn't concentrate on revision any more, so i thought maybe a walk would clear my head. i love the night time because you can just walk along the middle of the road and no ones going to run you over. there's always something so peaceful about walking in the middle of the road...
5:14 - so instead of revising, i ended up playing Left4Dead2 which is annoying because i thought i would get lots done. i suppose i still have the whole of today, although i'll gradually get more and more tired, which will make it harder to concentrate. i did a massive Sainsburys shop, and spent waay too much money for a student, but at least i've now got this week sorted. i might make alcoholic jelly shots too. and at least i'm working my way through Prison Break. i think maybe it was a bit better when they were actually breaking out of jail, but it's still awesome.

6:20 - i don't really feel very tired, but i am a bit bored of revising now. i've finished my first topic - only took me all night. so now hopefully i'll get the second topic done throughout the day and then i'll be ready to learn it all off by heart. i just spent half an hour doing my make up - which is something i almost never do, so here is a lovely picture of me looking super tired. and my eyebrows look odd. i don't know what that's about, i'll have to get my sister to fix that when i get home.
8:09 - i got up to walk around a bit, and my backs really aching - probably because i've been leaning over books for ages, but so i was doing a bit of pilates to make it feel better. it did actually help a bit - my mum will be so pleased - she's training to teach pilates so she's always trying stuff out on me. but anyway, i'm half way through my second topic, which is pretty good considering i'm not even half way through the day, but i don't have any notes for the last bit which means it'll probably take ages. how annoying..
10:04 - just went to put my washing in the washer - it feels like such effort to walk up there now, where as four hours ago i wanted to run around out there. now i kind of want to sleep, but at the same time i don't really want to give up. it's getting really sunny outside now though, so i kind of want to finish writing up my notes so i can go out and sit in the sun when it gets a bit warmer. but then i'll get nothing done which means i'll fail my exam. again.
11:49 - the shops closed, which is annoying because i really want some soup. soup always makes me feel better, and i also want some milk for my tea because i can't drink tea without milk but i have no milk and without my tea i feel terribly sleepy. i was going to take a little nap, because i read somewhere that if you sleep for 20 minutes you'll make up feeling better, but then when i lay down i decided that was like failing and i didn't want to do that. i kind of want to go outside and sit on the grass in the sun, but no one else is awake and i'd feel lonely on my own.

14:23 - the shop opened and i got my soup and then i burnt my finger on the mug which is really stupid because it's on my writing hand. i think maybe i have slow reactions because i'm so tired so i'm going to go to sleep for a little bit now, then hopefully when i wake up i can get some more work done. all my flatmates woke up so i got distracted and stopped working..
18:02 - so i went to sleep for a few hours and now i feel even more crappy. but i did get half my washing done, so i'm super happy just sitting in my pyjamas watching Prison Break although i do kind of want some food, i just don't know what to cook..
19:37 - i'm done now. i'm too tired to do anything, so i think i'm going to just watch Limitless and then get up early to revise, because i never did finish those notes. but i have never been happier to be curled up in my nice clean bed watching yummy Bradley Cooper..ܤ

I Didn't Write One Last Night Either

2011-06-05T17:46:00.001+01:00

Mummy & Daddy :)

it was my daddy's birthday, so i was on skype with them for almost three hours, and i just forgot about the time. it got to half one, and it seemed silly to write when it wouldn't be on the right day and most of it would just be 'i didn't do a lot today...'
So yesterday i went to JCs to meet up with my friends i'm supposed to be going to Italy with, and only one of them came. but that's okay, because i figure that i really want to go, and he really wants to come, so if it's only the two of us then so be it - i still want to go. i just hope it wouldn't be awkward because it's a girl and a guy together..blahblah. and then when i came home i was on skype with my family. it felt weird missing a family birthday; i'm pretty sure this is the first one i've missed, and it kind of made me sad because it probably would have been possible for me to go home, i just hate spending so much money on a weekend trip, and it would have messed with my exam - i don't do any work at home.
And then tonight, i'm planning on revising all night - obviously with breaks and stuff - i have a short attention span, so that'll be fun. hmm.. i don't think it'll be particularly hard to do because i'm normally awake until 6am anyway, and i didn't get up until 5-30pm today, so staying up for 24 hours shouldn't be too bad. i've done it before, just not around my exams and i'm slightly worried that it'll mean i sleep through my exam or something, which is on Tuesday afternoon, but i think i'll probably get more done this way. i love working at night, it's so much easier when the only distraction is the internet and everything's just completely silent. somehow it makes revision seem a little bit fun.
I've also decided that i'm going to watch Limitless when i'm done - so on Monday evening, i guess. i'll probably be so tired i wont be able to do much, and i'm actually pretty excited about it now. i wanted to watch it when it came out, but i can just never find a reason to spend a tenner in the cinema when i can just wait a while and buy it on dvd for the same amount of money
I think i might do more than one posts tonight/tomorrow, because it's a bit of entertainment and a nice break from revision. and i like writing, so it'll be fun, although i don't know what i'll be able to write about when all i plan on doing is some revising. we'll see..ܤ

So I Started Watching Prison Break Again

2011-06-03T18:57:00.001+01:00

i hadn't watched it in a few days, because i was so excited about planning Italy i just didn't really find the time. but this is good, because now i can have another picture of Wentworth Miller, who i am a little less in love with than i was the other day, but i still wouldn't kick him out of bed. i picked the picture with all his tattoos because i was thinking about how epic it looked. i wish i was as smart as he is, i don't understand how people can actually be like that - i know they said it was like a disorder or something, but still! now i kind of want a tattoo with a hidden pattern, i'm just not smart enough to design it myself. i also wanted a picture with Sarah Wayne Callies in it too, because i'm loving their weird twisted sort of relationship at the moment. although it still doesn't make me want a boyfriend, which i thought it might - the amount of passion they seem to feel for each other. i do like someone a little i suppose - i keep dreaming about him so i guess that's my head trying to tell me something, but i know it wouldn't work out so i probably wont think any more of it.

I had an exam today, that went terribly, but i did meet a guy outside and we talked for a bit and i gave him my number, but not in a 'i want to get to know you *winkwink*' way, just in a 'yeah you seem like a cool enough guy' kind of way. i don't really know how you're supposed to make them see the difference, because it doesn't seem fair if you don't set it out straight, like you're leading them on, but the thing is that i'm just friendly and flirty with most people, it doesn't mean that i like someone. but you can't just come out and say that you're not interested in them because that seems weird and kind of odd for your first conversation. it's a shame because there's a lot of guys that i'd love to be really good friends with, but then it gets to that stage where it just gets a bit awkward because you're not sure what you're doing, or you get drunk and something happens or something like that. so i guess it's good that i just have my super close girly friends, and then many more not quite so close dude friends.

I was trying to work out some Italy stuff last night and ended up watching When In Rome because i couldn't sleep - it turns out that this guy we might be visiting is completely miles away, and it'll cost like fifty euros to go down there, which doesn't sound like a terrible amount it's just that everything adds up, and that's fifty euros i could be spending on drinks. but i suppose it'll be nice to see some locals or whatever - make new friends. that's really what i'm most excited about, i'm just worried about the cost building up..ܤ

I'm A Terrible Person

2011-06-02T21:51:00.002+01:00

actually, no i'm not. not really - i just didn't post anything yesterday. this is mostly just because i forgot - i was at my friends house until about half eleven and then when i got back i was too excited about Italy to even remember to write anything on here. which is silly because i've been doing it for almost a month now, but nevertheless i just forgot. i hope you can forgive me.

Me On My 16th Birthday
In Italy

So Italy is going to be awesome. i've been planning it all out - i've started a travel blog, so i'll put something up about it - but it just looks like it's going to be amazing, and it's actually really fun planning it all. i never really thought i was particularly organised, but it feels like i need to be super organised for this. i've never really been abroad without my parents before so i don't want everything to go horribly wrong without them. one of my friends has friends in Italy, so we're going to go and visit them for a few days as well, which i think i'm most excited about because it'll be so different compared to just being tourists. i've been to Italy once before; i had my sixteenth birthday in Almafi, which was beautiful, and i'm kind of sad that we're not going to be able to go there this time round, but it'll be good to see other parts of the country.

View Of Almalfi From Our Room

It was really hot today, lying in the sun for more than a few hours gave me a headache, so i think i'll go to sleep pretty soon. it made me worry a bit about how hot it's going to be in Italy, and whether i'll be able to cope with it, especially in Rome which is right in the city and no where near the sea. i had an hour long conversation on the phone with my mum about it today. it's so lovely to talk to someone who's as excited as i am; my flatmates are completely uninterested. i don't blame them, i'd be the same. but oh boy, i do love the Italian accent. i can't wait..ܤ

The Internet Keeps Disappearing

2011-05-31T21:16:00.002+01:00

so i'm gonna keep this short, just in case it turns itself off again. i might flesh it out tomorrow. spent the day watching Lloyd play LA Noire and sleeping. and i had a massive bacon sandwich which tasted Awesome. now i'm watching Boondock Saints which is lovely because there's lots of Irish gangstas..ܤ

Also

2011-05-30T22:58:00.001+01:00

Happy Birthday Jaspar.

my old college friend that i haven't seen in a year - i miss you. have fun turning eighteen. now you can buy your own baccy..

Today Has Been A Bit Messy

2011-05-30T22:11:00.000+01:00

I didn't get up until five in the evening because i couldn't sleep until eight am which is completely ridiculous, but i've decided to use it to my advantage and have a late night revision session with Fall Out Boy, who i haven't listened to for ages, but it reminds me of being fourteen, which was a much simpler time. maybe revision will wear out my brain so i'll actually sleep tonight. i'm a little bit worried about my next exams, but i think if i revise a lot in the next few days everything will be completely fine. i can hope anyway, i just need to pass now.

there will be no pictures of
Wentworth Miller today :(

I also got very excited because my friends and i might be going to Athens or Rome in July, if my funds allow it. which i think they probably would, it's just whether i want to spend that much money on a weeks trip. i do tend to hate spending large amounts of money, but the i'll quite happily spend lots of tiny bits of money on lots of stupid things. like pizza. i spend a lot of money on pizza. if i never ate pizza again and put all my pizza money in a box i could probably go on holiday in a few years and only spend pizza money.

I always make all these plans, and then when i get to it, it never turns out the way i think it will. i much prefer the idea of things as opposed to the actual thing itself. hopefully if we do end up going on holiday somewhere it wont be that way. although i do always love the memory of things. and telling the tale once i'm done. i suppose it's better than sitting around doing nothing, but it does mean that i wont be able to go to Paris on my birthday. unless i just go for a spa day with my mum instead, which sounds lame but is actually loads of fun. i don't know how easy it will be to get a job when i'm going away. i might go to Boomtown this year too, which would be super fun - although not really my crowd - but then that's two weeks out of the summer that i wont be able to work. i'll definitely get a job when i get back to uni after the summer. i'll definitely need it.

I finished season six of Weeds today too, which is kind of sad,. because now i want to watch more of it, but i suppose the new season will be here in a month, and it's good to be completely up to date with it. i think i'll be more sad when i finish Prison Break, because there will be no more after that. oh god i want to watch Prison Break right now...ܤ

I Started Talking To An Old Friend Today

2011-05-29T23:43:00.004+01:00

not really old, i just haven't really talked to her in a while. she sure does talk a lot...
I also watched Beastly, which wasn't really very good - i'll do a review thing of it tomorrow. and now i'm starting Season Two of Prison Break. i wasn't going to start it until after my exams but apparently i can't go a day without Wentworth Millers beautiful face.
I spoke to my mum today as well, which was nice but my sister is kind of annoying when i'm trying to have a conversation she'll just completely ignore it and talk instead. it's annoying because i hadn't talked to my mum in like two weeks, and we're pretty close now, but Jim just wanted to do mosaicking with her. i guess my sisters aren't really as thoughtful as i thought they were.

-3am edit-
I've been thinking a lot about my future tonight. i'd love to say that it had something to do with Prison Break and not wanting to screw up my life, but unfortunately i don't think i can really give that much credit to what is, fundamentally, just a tv show. although that picture is really rather distracting my train of thought. anyway, i've been thinking a lot about my future. i'm doing a law degree at the moment, and i'm really not sure if i want a career out of it. i mean, originally i wasn't even going to go to uni, and then i ended up changing my mind two weeks before i left. i think that's probably what's going to happen with my career too, so i want to be prepared for whatever i decide to do. i'm thinking maybe take a few computer courses, i never even did my GCSE for it - i found it boring, i don't want to be so arrogant as to say that it was too easy, but i think maybe the class moved too slowly for my short attention span. so i was thinking i'd become better qualified in that sense, and then i want to learn Swedish. it sounds weird, but i suppose if i ever get the choice i'd want to live there. i definitely want to visit at some point, but if i could get a job and work there it would be amazing. i know it sounds strange, claiming a desire for a country i've never even visited, but the quality of life there is amazing. maybe i'll visit and decide i want to go somewhere else, but England just seems so dirty compared to somewhere like Holland, where they cycle everywhere. i wish our country was more economical and less lazy - most people in European countries speak English. i did a German GSCE and i can't even remember how to say 'i want to go to the train station'.

But i couldn't move, not really. i couldn't spend that long away from my family. maybe when i'm a little older, and my sisters have moved out too, it'll be easier to be further away. i'm not saying i can't be away from my family - if i was an hour away or something it would be fine, but a whole other country seems ridiculous. although i thought that about uni before i left, and it turns out i seem to be doing just fine three hours away, so what's another one thousand, four hundred miles?..ܤ

Today My Flatmate Bought LA Noire

2011-05-28T21:21:00.002+01:00

completely spontaneously, and now he will have no money for the rest of the week. i, on the other hand, have done absolutely nothing all day, except sleep. my flatmate got in pretty late last night and woke me up, and then i couldn't get back to sleep. i didn't really mind, i wasn't exactly sleeping when he came in, just vaguely trying. everyday i say that i'll try harder to revise properly tomorrow, and then i always get up too late, or find other things to do. getting that damn headache didn't help either.
I've started enjoying reading more now, i used to love it and then when i got my laptop it always seemed easier to just watch a film than wade through a couple of chapters of whatever i'd been reading. but The Boy With The Cuckoo-Clock Heart is actually slightly twisted, which is of course right up my street, and i'm really getting into it.

I watched Starcrossed last night which is a twelve minute film about two brothers that fall in love with each other. i don't know why, but these sorts of stories have always managed to catch my attention more than any others - i think it's something about the forbidden underdogs attraction that just seems so much more interesting than classic boy meets girl..ܤ

i think i fall more in love with Michael Scofield everyday

2011-05-27T23:19:00.003+01:00

i mean, i know it's not real love - obviously. i tend to avoid using the word love in such casual situations, but it's just so weird how when i started watching Prison Break i actually thought he was ugly. and now, watching him save his brother and his personality and everything has just made me more and more attracted to him. i guess that's what people mean when they say it's not just about the looks. although Sucre is pretty epic too but i've been kind of into guys that look all spanish-y since i began watching Weeds and Guillermo showed up.
I've done completely nothing today - woke up with a splitting headache which is why this blog is entirely based around the tv shows i've been watching; i really haven't had much else to do. maybe i'll do something more interesting tomorrow..ܤ

I Changed My Background

2011-05-26T21:40:00.003+01:00

for the blog - just in case you didn't notice, and i don't think i like it quite so much. but the black seemed so dark and uninviting, and i wanted something a little more feminine. i've become a lot more of a girl over the last few weeks, i'm not sure why. i think it's something i've wanted to do for a while, but i've just been too afraid. you see, in my logic, if it looks like you're making an effort, when people say bitchy things about you it's worse than if you just go out looking horrible anyway. that's because if you made no effort, you can use that as an excuse; but it still hurts just as much. i think becoming closer with my mum has helped a lot - it must have just taken me growing up a bit for us to start thinking in the same way. i feel much more rational now, although i'm sure i'm going to make lots of stupid decisions in the future.

I'm now on episode fifteen of Prison Break. every time i watch it it feels like i'm in there with them almost dying from worrying about my brother dying and the wardens finding the hole behind my toilet. i'm not sure if i'm always this bothered about tv shows, when the Glee club lost every single time i didn't feel too bummed out about it. maybe because i've never really liked musicals. anyway, something about Prison Break makes me want to start watching Heroes again. i guess maybe it's filmed in the same way or something, but either way i want to watch it. but then i start and i realise that Season Two isn't as good, and i get bored. so maybe i'll stick with Prison Break for now, even if Milo Ventimiglia and Hayden Panettiere are a good enough reason to watch anything.
I watched Unbreakable and Cabin Fever last night, so i have been very tired today and did not get up very early. i got some clothes in the post - i know i still have posted pictures of the other new clothes yet - i was going to do it tonight but i'm too tired to get out of bed. i also got To Kill A Mockingbird which i'm excited to start reading, but i probably wont start just yet as i'm still half way through The Boy With The Cuckoo-Clock Heart, which is a weird French romance that my mum got me ages ago and now that i've finished Catch 22 it seems like the perfect time to start..ܤ

Prison Break Has Ruined My Life.

2011-05-25T22:07:00.005+01:00

no, no it hasn't. but i started watching it today and i'm now on episode ten. i hope it's not like Heroes which was really good Season One, and after that i just wasn't really hooked in the same way. but so far it's really good, and almost every episode i'm jumping up and down, freaking out about what's going to happen, and whether they'll get caught, it's hard to just stop watching it. i was supposed to be getting loads of work done but instead i ended up lying in bed all day. i hate it when i do this, i'm so lazy it annoys me, but then i'm too lazy to change. it's always 'i'll just do it tomorrow' and most of the time tomorrow means in a few weeks.. which is terrible.
Also, i only just learnt what procrastination means, i thought it was something to do with God.. blasphemy. sometimes i'm so dumb it concerns me.
Last night some of my flat mates came into my room and messed around with my facebook and skype and stuff. i don't really mind to be honest, most people realise after a few sentences that it's not me, and if they don't they assume i'm drunk. i always think it's funny when people take facebook so seriously.
I've put on a stone since i got here. i didn't mind because it made my boobs a cup size bigger, but now it's starting to bother me. i used to be so skinny you could see my ribs all the time, even though i ate loads - i think i just did more exercise; i had to walk to college every day and sometimes i'd have to walk home from the bus. at uni there's a bus a two minute walk away and it drops you off right on campus, and there's a spar in the village so i could literally walk less than a mile within a week. it's so unhealthy, hopefully when i go home for the summer i can do something about it..ܤ

It Can't Rain All The Time

2011-05-24T22:02:00.003+01:00

Soo i just watched The Crow, and it's actually a lot better than i thought it would be. i wont say too much, i'll write a review on it or something on my other blog.
I didn't sleep until four am last night, and then i had to get up at seven for my nine am exam, which i completely failed. it really sucked, i started freaking out and not breathing properly, i'm sure it's because i didn't revise properly but even so i wish my body wouldn't be so annoying, it makes it a lot harder to do well when i'm concentrating most of my concentration on trying not to let other people see how much of a freak i am. so in conclusion, despite going through the whole day on only three hours sleep, i managed to get everything that i was supposed to done. and i went into town and bought lots of new clothes. i'd feel bad about it, but i'm seriously lacking in clothes so i figured it was okay..ܤ

Soo Now I'm Addicted To Ebay..ܤ

2011-05-23T21:15:00.001+01:00

i just went on an accidental spending spree instead of revising. i ended up buying some pretty nice things actually, although i expect they'll look terrible on me. but as a result of all this ebay-ing i have done exactly half an hour of revision. this is terrible, i can't even remember the topic titles, so i think i'll start properly in a minute and revise well into the night with my tea. i don't really remember buying it, but apparently i purchased this owl necklace, which i actually really love. i've never had a particular love for owls, but it just looks so wise. and my reason for buying this other necklace was because it reminded me of Captain Jack Sparrow. that is simply the only reason. how terrible, i shouldn't be allowed a credit card.

i also bought some clothes, but i'll add some pictures of me wearing them a little later on. i think i'll go shopping tomorrow too, after my exam, because i need some new shoes; my mum keeps telling me to go and buy some, so i suppose that'll be a nice thing to do after i fail this exam.
I've also decided that i should sell all the clothes i don't wear, probably on ebay, over the summer - once my exams are finished. it'll be a good way to make a bit of money, and hopefully earn enough so that i can buy an xbox and a television when i move into my new house at the end of the summer. of course, the money i need for that wont come just from selling clothes, so i'll have to get a job as well, which will be hard because of the panic attacks, but i need the money, and it might do me some good to be able to go out and do nice normal people things. i suppose i'll just have to wait and see..ܤ

Today My Friends Came To See Me

2011-05-22T21:45:00.002+01:00

and it was nice to see them, but now they're gone it feels kind of lonely again. i'm normally fine, it's just when i get a taste of home i suddenly start to miss it a lot more than i did before. i was going to ask them to come to Paris with me on my birthday, but for some reason i just couldn't find the nerve. i don't know why, i mean i was so excited about it a few days ago - i guess i'm just scared they'll say no, or they'll already be doing something and then my dream will be ruined. i don't think they'd really want to go anyway. it's a shame, i really want someone who will just go out and do things with me, someone spontaneous and fun that i can rely on to actually do something when they say they will. everyone i've met recently seems to just end up ducking out of all the promises they made. the thing is about me, that when i say i'll do something, normally i'll want to do it right up to the point where i have to leave, and then i'll change my mind. i need that person there that i know will be waiting for me, as apposed to my friends i have now who just assume i wont come. don't get me wrong, i love my friends, it's just a shame that they seem to do everything they want to do together and everything i want to do just doesn't count. oh well, Paris, maybe i will see you someday..ܤ

'I'll Give You A Kiss If You Come Here'

2011-05-21T23:48:00.003+01:00

drunken flatmates are so funny. at least i assume they're drunk, i don't have the energy to go out and have a look. i feel so disgusting; i've been in bed all day with a headache which sucks because i'm supposed to be revising this weekend but it just didn't happen today because any time i lifted my head more than a few inches above the pillow i verged on throwing up. eww, way too much information, but that's how it is.
So it's supposed to be the rapture or something today? figured i'd mention it because everyone else seems to be. this is a short one today because i still feel horrible, but i'm including this lovely picture of some zombies because i loved The Walking Dead and zombies are one of my many interests, so in honor of this i've just played two hours of Left 4 Dead 2 with my good old friend Tobi. he skyped me today, which was weird because i haven't talked to him in ages, but i did miss him so it was nice. silly drunk german boy..ܤ

I Can't Stop Listening

2011-05-20T20:00:00.003+01:00

to that song by Humphrey, and it's kind of annoying me because now i know all the words and everything, but i don't have an mp3 of it so i need my computer anytime i want to listen to it. i hate it when songs get stuck in my head and no one else sings along.
I had my first exam today, and it didn't go very well, but i hadn't really revised properly so it was expected. it's nice to be back at university though, even though i'm now very tired from getting up early this morning in order to get a train to be back in time for the exam. three hours travelling always makes me sleepy and it doesn't help that i've been stressing out about the exam, or that i went to bed pretty late last night. hopefully tonight i will be able to get to sleep earlier, but first i want to watch the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, even though i suspect it might be slightly terrible. i loved the first one, but it just kind of went downhill from there.. but nevertheless, i want to find out for myself. and i've always been slightly in love with Johnny Depp dressed as a pirate. there's something so incredibly attracting about a man dressed as a pirate. i'm sure real life pirates were not quite as sexy as the films perceive them to be. so once i've watched it i'll probably write some sort of review about it on my other blog.. i'll do a link so if you click on the picture it will take you there. i'm excited about the mermaids..ܤ

Birthday Blog

2011-05-19T22:31:00.003+01:00

not for me, for my little sister. we went out for a meal and i got her a wii game. i ate duck, which was fun because i don't think i've eaten duck before - if i have i don't remember doing it. it tasted pretty good as well, i can't quite decide what it tasted like, but even though it was quite yummy i don't think i'll eat it too often because i like ducks. my sister didn't seem very excited - my other sister isn't very good at smiling for photos, in fact she kind of freaks out a bit. it always makes every occassion a little bit more about her, which isn't fair. i wish she'd just pretend to smile and make it nicer for everyone else.

I was thinking about what i'd do if i failed my exams, and i decided that even though i said i would just quit, i think i'd rather just retake the year. i was going to just quit and do something else but revising for my exams has made me realise that actually i can completely do this, i just haven't put the effort in, for various reasons that i can't be bothered to explain at the moment. either way, i think this will be for the best..ܤ

I Hope That One Day

2011-05-18T21:25:00.007+01:00

someone will invent clothes that are alive, so they repair themselves when you rip them, and they grow with you. i've had too many favourite shirts that i've grown out of or ripped holes in. i suppose maybe i should learn to take better care of my belongings, but sometimes things just happen.

Lilo, Me, Hannah

I'm actually pretty excited because my friends might be coming up to visit me at uni on Sunday and although i've been there almost a year, they haven't been to see me before. we've met up in holidays and stuff, but they've never met my uni friends or seen where i live. i don't blame them, they've had work and college and things, but it'll be really good to see them. for some reason, people seem to think that me and Leona are secret lesbian lovers. maybe it slips out when i'm drunk..

Also, i am so completely in love with this song at the moment. i almost wish i wasn't facebook friends with him so i could quote the lyrics in my status without looking like a crazy stalker. i honestly had no idea it was so good, it's a shame there hasn't been some massive record company that has realised it yet. even though i've always loved the smaller artists, it's only a matter of time..ܤ

Would've Known by Humphrey Milles

I Really Want To Go Travelling

2011-05-17T23:39:00.001+01:00

possibly some where in Europe, just for a few days in the summer with my friends over my birthday. i've been looking at euro train things and stuff and you can get to Paris for like sixty pounds which would be amazing - i could end up spending only like two hundred pounds over all and i just love the idea of getting away on my birthday. i never know what to do, so i end up doing nothing which then makes me depressed. so i've come to the conclusion that if i'm not at home, everything will be fine. we went to Italy for my birthday once, when i was like sixteen and it was so much fun. i don't think we even did anything on my birthday - just lay by the pool, but it was nice to be away from everyday home life.

I think that maybe after uni i could travel around Europe for a few months and only spent a thousand pounds at most- i'm not sure because i haven't done much research but i can't see that it would really cost too much and i'm sure it's the sort of money i could earn pretty quickly if i got a job and didn't spend much before hand. one of my best friends is hoping to move to America at some point this year, so maybe i could go and visit her too. it seems such a shame that there's the whole world and i've only seen a small corner. there was a saying i read somewhere that went something like 'the world is a book and to never travel is to only read a page' which i thought was wonderful. i want to read the whole entire metaphorical book, and i guess i should start with what's right here in front of me. apparently, Paris is only eight hours away. if i had the money, and lack of responsibilties i could be at the top of the Eiffel Tower tomorrow morning. isn't that amazing? thinking of it that way, i don't understand why more people aren't doing it..ܤ

I Couldn't Sleep Last Night

2011-05-16T19:56:00.003+01:00

so i ended up watching Teen Mom which i actually ended up loving, which kind of sucks because i didn't think i was that sort of person, but i suppose it's made me realise a bit more that you don't have to be 'that sort of person' because you do a certain thing or act a certain way. no one is any kind of person - although i still end up judging people without even thinking. either way, watching it has made me want a baby; i mean, i don't actually want one now, i just want to be in that place where i'm married and living in a lovely little house with some cute little baby. but not yet. but it did make me think that i should enjoy more than anything the freedom i have now to not have a responsibility to look after a baby. i don't know what to do though. maybe i should travel? i do want to, i'm just afraid to do it on my own..ܤ

Catch 22 Book Review

2011-05-16T03:51:00.000+01:00

it took me a really really long time to read this, i'm talking like six months - but in the end it was worth it. i think it's probably because it's quite a difficult reading style, for me anyway, and i'd find myself getting distracted and having to read the whole page over again. it's not that it wasn't interesting, just that i would get confused about which character was doing what; it just felt like lots of names and it wasn't until the end that i'd worked out which characters were significant, and how they all linked together.

After reading the whole thing i decided that it was actually a pretty good book. i started reading it because i felt like it was something i should have read, and i am glad that i did, but i think that for people who enjoy something that's really easy and fun to read it's probably not the best book. but in a few years i'll read it through again, hopefully a little quicker this time as i'll already know all the characters and so it'll make a lot more sense. that's probably the key issue i had with this book; until half way through i couldn't understand the significance of any thing. but i love the style it was written in - the voice - if that makes any sense. it made me want to write about emotionless men, which is an unusual sort of style for me, but i really enjoyed it.

Okay so overall yes, it's a good book, but probably not great for everyone. and you have to accept that it wont make sense the first time through. or maybe i'm just super dumb and everyone else that read it found it easy. i don't know...

I Didn't Do A Lot Today

2011-05-15T23:34:00.005+01:00

probably because i didn't get up until about twelve and whenever i get up too late i just feel lazy all day. i did take puppy for a walk, which was interesting because this is the first time i've been able to take her out. when we take her to a field with a lots of long grass she does this crazy high speed running thing and then just leaps and rolls around in the grass until we catch up with her.

Pirates of the Caribbean was on today - the first (and best) one. it's definitely the best role i've seen Orlando Bloom play, but i honestly think that Johnny Depp has been in so many good films it's hard to decide. although it's obvious that he puts a very strong argument forward for the pirate-ninja discussion. of course i have always been leaning more towards the pirates even though they are 'glorified sea thiefs' as i think my mum described them as once.

I also finished Catch 22 which was pretty significant as i've been reading it over the last year; it's literally taken me about nine months to read. i get distracted by television and it's quite a hard read anyway, but it was a good book, well worth reading and i completely understand why it's so well known.

I feel slightly guilty because i haven't made a youtube video in about three weeks - i did start for a bit, but then other things became more important, and i still get embarrassed if people see me talking to a computer, mainly because i know i only have like sixteen subscribers, and i'm worried about what people would think. nevertheless, i will make one at some point once i get back to my laptop but for now i'll just have to write. which is good because i prefer it...ܤ

Today I Met Some People I Wish I Wasn't Related To

2011-05-14T21:18:00.005+01:00

because they were just so damn attractive i would do baaad things to those people. seriously though, they were awesome. my mums cousins especially, had a sort of special drunk hippy charm and it made me wonder if maybe the decision to go to uni and pick the academic- live in a big house and be finacially stable for the rest of my life - route wasn't the funnest one. although i expect my second cousins once removed aer not particularly rich, they have appeared to have travelled most of the world and met many wonderful people. i can't decide which one i want, but i can't help but feel like i can only have one. whichever way i end up, i'm happy about today - it was fun and completely worth coming home for.

My sister's watching Eurovision at the moment, and it feels kind of lame to join in, but i've been a fan of Eric Saade for a while, and right now i'm routing for him. he's super attractive, and his album isn't actually too bad - reminds me of Adam Lambert, which isn't necessarily a good thing, just something i noticed about his music. his face however is quite wonderful, and he doesn't look too bad half naked either..ܤ

Okay....

2011-05-13T18:49:00.003+01:00

so blogger is doing something weird today, which is annoying because i spent like 5 hours yesterday making everything look pretty, so i hope it's only temporary and goes back to how it was. if not i have all the pictures ect on my laptop, so i can fix it next week when i get back to uni.

I'm at home again; only two weeks away and i'm back for a naming ceremony tomorrow - i guess that's kind of like a baptism but for non-christian people. it'll just be good to see all the family again, and some family i haven't met before/ don't remember meeting. i'm still a bit worried about my lack of revision, but i don't have my laptop here with me so hopefully i'll be able to get some stuff done without becoming distracted. although last time i was home the puppy distracted me most of the time. she's got so big since i last saw her; she doesn't feel so fragile now, and she never runs out of energy. damn whippet runs so fast, and somehow i'm the one that ends up chasing her. i'm glad she remembered me, she was so excited she peed all over the floor and almost broke my tights.

This is a short blog today, mainly because i'm not sure if this will actually save as everythings being a bit dumb, if it does and if everything gets back to how it was i'll edit it when i have some time - i like everything looking shiny and spell checked. i haven't put any pictures either, so here's a socially awkward penguin meme. i swear almost every single one of these i relate to, which is slightly embarrasing as i'm pretty sure most of them are aimed at men...ܤ

I Had This Dream

2011-05-12T19:24:00.000+01:00

that my favorite teddy bear dog thing was actually possessed by a demon and would try to kill me while i slept. i would kick him out, but for something that's slept in the same room as me every single day since i was three, i just don't have the heart. besides, i'm sure if he was going to kill me he would have done it already.

Recently i've become slightly obsessed with the idea that looking better will bring me better things in life. this may have something to do with what Nicky said the other day, but i think it started quite a while before then. so i've been looking at certain people to get ideas from; i always work better if i have some sort of template to copy from - the only time creativity comes to me naturally is in my writing. and i watch a lot of Weeds because it's awesome, and i just love Nancy Botwin. i get the impression that a lot of people might hate her, but i always admired the way she dresses, although some times she does look a little like a slut, and i'm not sure how i'd feel if my mum started dressing the way that she did.

however, i also love Zooey Deschanels dressing abilities, and of course her personality is probably a huge help with pulling it off, but nevertheless i don't see why i can't take a bit of inspiration from her too. fashion has never really been my strong point - when i was little i would have a sort of half ponytail, like bunches but only on one side, and i'd wear dresses with jeans, which ten years later then came to be a sort of fashion anyway... my point is that looking stylish really doesn't come naturally to me, it's really my little sisters territory, so this isn't going to be easy. it will also be difficult to put the two together, although looking at the pictures side by side they don't really look all that different. at least they both have the same kind of hair, minus the blunt bangs which i know i cannot pull off. i suppose Deschanel is like Alice in Wonderland, and Nancy Botwin is like some hot drug dealing mum. i can't really imagine Alice selling pot, but i suppose that crazy caterpillar must have got it from somewhere..ܤ

I Feel Bad

2011-05-11T15:59:00.006+01:00

mostly i think because i didn't really sleep much last night - a few of my flatmates and i watched Insidious which was actually one of the scariest films i've seen in a while, but after about an hour of freaking out alone in my room i felt okay again, and used 'being scared' as an excuse to stay awake til 6am watching Holby City. so today i have done no revision, which has not helped my freaking-out-ness at all. i'm hoping to get some done tonight, so i can go home at the weekend and not feel guilty for not working so hard. although, i haven't done any work all year, so if i pass these exams it may actually be a miracle.. not that i believe in miracles.

I spontaneously went on my ex-boyfriends facebook today, which was weird because i haven't even thought about him in quite a while. i don't really know what i was looking for, i suppose i just like the memories, even though it was a pretty crappy relationship, if i'm going to be honest with myself. relationships are not something that i'm very good at; i over think everything while simultaneously trying to appear as someone who's super laid back and not at all crazy. truth is i'm totally crazy ^_^

I can't wait for the weekend - being at home is not something i used to enjoy very much, i enjoy my freedom here so much, but now i'm not living there all the time, i love seeing my family and not having to think about what i'm going to cook and whether i have enough money to get the bus in the morning. also, we got this crazy little whippet puppy two weeks before i left, and i'm curious to see if she remembers me. i've never really considered myself a dog person, but for some reason i felt ready to jump in front of a bus to save that thing. well, fight off zombies to get to the other end of the house where she sleeps to carry her to safety. because in my head, zombies are the biggest threat. zombies and ghosts. i am the worst grown up everܤ

So I've Been Reading This Book..

2011-05-10T14:11:00.017+01:00

And it turns out it probably wasn't iron deficiency.. whatever i thought it was. i bought this book called Free Yourself From Anxiety and i mean, i'm going to be honest, i cried when i read the first few pages. i mean, it's not like it's a particularly heart-wrenching story or anything, it just perfectly describes everything i've been feeling over the last year. technically, it's aimed at 'not young people' and at the age of eighteen, i would consider myself a young person. but i think it may probably still help. my constant panic attacks have basically taken control of my life, or they had, i'm not sure - i think i've been making more progress recently. i'm still painstakingly aware of everything that might cause me embarrassment in public places, but i'm trying a lot harder to stop letting it hold me back from doing what i used to enjoy.

So, i went out last night, drank a little, not a lot because i had lectures today and i'm not mentally strong enough to leave my room when i'm hung over. it sounds dramatic when put like that, but in my head it all seems a lot more dramatic than that. where ordinarily i would have left, i stayed for a while, and after a few hours my head ache drifted off and my breathing calmed and i wasn't constantly glancing at the exit. i actually had fun. i can't say that at any point in the evening i felt carefree and confident like i used to, but it's a start.

Today i was walking with a friend, and he said that if i dressed like a normal person i'd be hot.. but i'm hot now, just.. if i wore normal clothes i'd be super hot. i'm not sure what to think of this to be honest. it's almost an insult and almost a compliment. but i shouldn't dress like a slut because boys always think that sluts are not good girl friend material.

so you want me to dress like these girls? because personally i think they look horrible. but that's what google produces when i search for 'womens fashion'. oh well, maybe i should make more of an effort. i'm so damn lazy, sometimes it bothers me. sometimes i think maybe i just don't want people to know i've made too much of an effort in case they think i look dumb. because peoples opinions should matter to me oh so damn much. i suppose i should just remember that Cinderella Story quote that my mum loves so much;

'Never Let The Fear Of Striking Out Keep You From Playing The Game'

i guess if i played baseball it would make more sense, but i get the main idea..ܤ

Anemia & Milo Ventimiglia

2010-12-08T17:47:00.005Z

maybe i've got iron deficiency anemia.. i'm tired all the time, and i get randomly depressed and i can't put effort into anything at the moment, and i don't know why because i'm normally quite lively. and i've started to hate everyone, which is bad, because i love people. i'm going to the doctors on friday anyway, so i shall find out and tell you. i'm sure you're at the edge of your seat waiting to find out what will happen to me.
maybe i'll make youtube videos. it's all just a mission to be noticed really.
my bellybuttons infected again - damn it, and i've started watching season two of Heroes. if you've not watched Heroes, here's an incentive... i think if i could marry him i probably would. he does this thing with his lip when he talks sometimes, it sounds weird but if you notice you'll get it. i notice things like that - kinda like the squeak in Ronnie Radke's voice. weird things that make people specialܤ

So here's the deal

2010-12-08T03:13:00.008Z

i haven't written a blog since i was like fourteen, but at the moment i feel lost and confused, and i'm hurting over something, and i kinda know what that might be, but i'm not really sure i want to think about that at the moment, so i'm going to pretend i just don't know why i'm so down.

i know that no one will read this, and i'd say i don't really mind, but i kind of do; of course i'd love to be smart and popular and pretty, but i'm not. that's life, i'll get over it. i'll just sit here and write, about anything, because the wonderful thing is that none of you know me. i'm just a girl on the internet, writing about nothing.
and whatever you may say, it might hurt me. but that's okay, because at the end of the day, you're just a boy/girl on the internet too.

i'll think of something awesome to write about next time... but errrm.. this is me - don't ask my why i'm doing that with my mouth, because Harry Appleyards already been there. the honest answer is, i don't know, it just makes me more comfortable to not be trying to look normal. it's like putting myself out there, lets just.. not go there :) ܤ

oh btw, my friends tell me i live in a bubble - i'm stuck in my own mind O.ó

Creative Writing - Killers Like Candy

2009-09-03T22:08:00.000+01:00

There comes a time in your life, when you feel the need to do something stupid. Something ridiculously unthinkingly stupid. For some people it means drinking a huge amount of alcohol and ringing up your ex to tell them you still love them. For others it could involve going out with your friends and spending more money than you can realistically afford on say, a boat, even though you live miles from any form of water and get sea sick in a bath. But for me, ridiculously unthinkingly stupid led to standing at the top of a building, my toes gripped over the edge. Where are her shoes? You may ask. I do not know. Well maybe she’s drunk? Urrm, no. I’m not drunk. I had to drive here, and drink driving is wrong. And very, very dangerous. So what then? Drugs maybe? Only coffee, which is apparently classed as a drug, but to be honest, I think that’s ridiculous. So why then? You may ask. Why is a popular, successful 24 year old woman standing on the top of a building trying an enormous amount not to laugh at the situation she has put herself in? I’m not crazy. Well, maybe I am a little crazy. But that’s not what put me here. I suppose you’ll want to know why then. Why I’m here. And to do that, I have to start from the beginning, I suppose. Yes, the beginning sounds about the right place to start.

So basically, today was a pretty normal day. Got up, took a shower, got dressed, skipped breakfast, coffee on the way to work. I work in this big marketing office, sounds a lot more interesting than it is, but I have friends to keep me awake. Anyway, work, coffee break, more work, more coffee, lunch with my best friend Elliot, more work, home to change, went out to see Jarred. Who’s Jarred? Jarred is my boyfriend. Where was Jarred when I was at the edge of this building? Asleep in my bed. So anyway, out with Jarred, came home, got ready for bed, killed Craig, went to sleep. Wait, just go back to the last one. That’s what you’re thinking, right? How could I sleep with a man in the house? You’re right, that‘s what I would be thinking too. But I was tired, and I couldn‘t be bothered to kick him out. Oh, you mean the other thing? The killing that guy thing. Right well, funny story that, actually…

Creative Writing - The Lovers And The Liar

2009-06-20T19:15:00.000+01:00

I woke up that night, early in the morning. Too early for anyone else to be up, and so I decided to take a walk. I decided not to get dressed, as it was warm and I am lazy, so instead wandered downstairs in my nightdress. I opened the door to the patio, and there, directly in front of me, he sat on the steps down to the garden, moonlight shinning onto his beautiful face, silver smoke creeping from his lips. He turned at the noise, and looked up at me without saying anything. I walked steadily over to where he was sitting, and slowly sat on the step next to him. He said nothing, but turned to look out across the garden, taking another drag from his cigarette. I felt his eyes watching me, scouring my underdressed body, watching me shiver. He flicked the burning stub across the grass, and I watched the glow die in the damp. After a second he shifted his body, sliding himself closer to me. So close that I could feel the heat from his legs shimmering through the air onto mine. He took his jacket from beside his feet and wrapped it around my legs. I sat in silence as he did it, looking at his eyes, waiting for him to look at me. But instead, he reached into his pocket to pull out another cigarette. He lit it, and turned to look back out at the garden. I said nothing, and looked at the floor, shifting my feet. Once he’d finished, he stubbed it out on the floor, and looked towards me. I didn’t look up, but I could feel his eyes trace the features of my face. He lifted his hand, and slowly stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers. I said nothing, just looked at the floor, trembling at his touch. He put his arm around my shoulders, and pulled me closer to him. I let myself go, and lent into his chest, smiling as I inhaled his sweet smell of smoke and hair products.

I couldn’t sleep, so got up for a smoke. I hadn’t changed that day, so just grabbed my leather jacket from the chair, and let myself out. The air was crisp, but reasonably warm, so I threw my jacket down on the steps, then sat down next to it. Reaching into my jean pocket I pulled out the tin holding the fags I’d rolled earlier, and my zippo lighter. I lit one up, inhaling deeply, closing my eyes. These people, they live in such a ridiculously big house. Servants, cooks, gardeners? If you need help looking after your house, you shouldn’t have it. That’s what I think. My boss is a douche. His daughter though, she didn’t look half bad. Actually, she looked pretty stunning. But, that’s no good. If she’s anything like her father, I want nothing to do with it. I couldn’t help thinking, there’s something about her. Her big brown eyes filled with so much passion gave me hope that maybe she wasn’t like him. Her fathers eyes seemed dead. There was nothing but hate in them. It was at that thought that I heard the door open behind me. I pulled on my lip ring, nervous that I was going to get in trouble. I didn’t know if I was allowed to smoke, or even if I was allowed to be out here, but doing things that might get you in trouble is half the fun of life. It was only the bosses daughter, watching me quietly from the doorway. She was more beautiful than I remembered, especially in the silver moonlight; it made her face shine. She walked slowly over to where I sat, not saying a word, and barely breathing by the looks of it. I looked out across the garden again, trying to get my bearings. Why was she here? I decided not to ask. I could see her, out of the corner of my eye, and so watched her. She first looked at me, and then turned to look at the floor, chewing on the corner of her lip. I looked across her shivering body, her skimpy nightdress exposing long silver legs. I finished my cigarette, flicking the butt across the garden into the wet grass. She looked so cold, I grabbed my jacket and wrapped it around her legs, moving closer to her. I wanted to say something to her, tell her how amazing she looked, tell her how glad I was that she was there, despite usually hating company. But I couldn’t. My nerves wouldn’t let me, so I instead lit up another fag, waiting for my heart rate to lower, waiting to be able to say something to her. Eventually I couldn’t stand it any longer, and, after stubbing out my cigarette, I reached out to her. I wanted to pull her face around, to kiss her face and look into her eyes, but something about her stopped me. Instead, I ended up gently stroking her face, my hands shaking terribly, although she didn’t seem to notice. Hardly breathing, I snaked my arm around her, and pulled her close. My heart was beating against her head, and I could see her hair moving as I breathed against her. I felt her smile against me, and rested my head against hers, shutting my eyes and smiling with her.

. . . . .

I woke a little earlier than usual. I was hotter than normal, which was probably what had woken me. I turned my head on the pillow to watch him sleeping peacefully. His face was so emotionless, so perfectly beautiful, I could hardly stand it. I slid closer to him, and snaked my arms around his chest. A slight smile played across his lips, and he shifted in his sleep to be closer to me. I rested my head on his shoulder, and gently traced his profile with my fingertips. They rested for a second on his lips, then I put my hand back on his chest, so as not to wake him. I could feel his heartbeat pulsing under my fingers, and it wasn’t long before his calm breathing sent me back to sleep, his face against mine, our lips only centimeters apart.